OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
