I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize