It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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