if you like me you must not know who I am
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your penis caused this!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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