She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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