I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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