god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
