I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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