So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
