whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize