we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I looked at my own cervix.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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