I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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