she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
