I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
