so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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