i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
