we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
