whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize