she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
