its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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