the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
