fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
