Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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