I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
