is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
