That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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