they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am spending my child support on dildos
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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