this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
