I am in a vortex of obligation.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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