fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
