I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
