So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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