Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
