You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
