im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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