Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
