I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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