thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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