He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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