Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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