im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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