I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
