Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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