Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
no, he came in my armpit
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
