I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think a kid would responsible me up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
