i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
