I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
