The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
