Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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