Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You pole danced in your parka.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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