Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
