You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
