Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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