I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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