ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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