sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
