based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
