I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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