Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
