I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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