matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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